A sign of healthy love, therefore, is the ability to be reliable and responsible with — which is different from being resposible for — the thoughts and feelings and hopes and fears of the other.

Unless, of course, your last partner did a number on you, and afterward you didn’t feel quite like yourself anymore. Weren’t sure, anymore, who you were. Unless, of course, you remember. Remember every not-great experience you’ve ever had with a partner. How they made you feel wary and angry and fearful and then, how they also told you to stop acti

Susan pointed out a useful contradiction in love: if you lose a sense of yourself as an individual it can damage a relationship, but if you can’t accept that your needs and wants are not the only story, then it will be difficult to understand your partner’s perspective.