She was very upset and kept asking, “So what kind of job are you going to get with a sociology degree?” I didn’t care about my employment opportunities at that time; I just wanted to start studying something that I had a passion for as opposed to forcing myself academically and not doing well.

One analogy for the creation of the critical parent compares our brain to a blank hard drive disk. Our parents, grandparents, teachers, religious leaders, and/or the popular media sat down at the keyboard and programmed our brains with beliefs, rules, laws, and “shoulds” for how to be a person within our family, culture, or society. This is called

You might ask why someone would want to destroy their lover’s self-esteem. You would think that they would want to support and bolster their partner’s self-esteem because they say they love their partner. The question is, do they really love their partner or do they need them? The dependent’s basic fear of abandonment is at the root of the problem.

When they tell me that they can’t afford a babysitter, I always think of the hourly rate of a divorce lawyer. There is no comparison on the investment return ratio. By not investing the time and money into their marriage relationship, they are…

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they are constant struggling to recreate the emotional intimacy they once experienced in the beginning of their relationship. Many give up, not having the necessary tools or the skill set, and they begin to focus on other priorities such as raising children, developing a business career, or concentrating on some type of hobby or sports activity.

Another reason parents have so much power in influencing a child’s self-esteem is that it’s critical to a child to obtain their parents’ validation and love. This is because a child needs a sense of security, and with their parents’ love and validation, they will feel secure. Children try to get their parents’ approval by trying to meet their

Some other dysfunctional “shoulds” I have changed with my own critical parent are the following: I shouldn’t make mistakes; this would draw attention, and I would be embarrassed. The result was that I couldn’t learn or participate in activities where I would make mistakes. I didn’t allow for any type of learning curve. The result of this “should”

This pattern can sometimes be seen with the kind of relationships women form with gay men.

The basic question is how can an adult truly love himself or herself if they are dependent on another adult either economically or emotionally? It’s normal for a child to be dependent on their parents for both of these needs. If an adult finds himself or herself in a dependent relationship, their self-worth will be compromised.