Love Yourself: The First Step to a Successful Relationship

When their fear of abandonment emerges, this type of dependent reacts aggressively by trying to control their partner in some way. They attack their partner’s actions, assuming that their partner intends to hurt them. They become very jealous of the opposite sex and try to cut off their partner from having contact with whoever they perceive as a th

Men often have difficulty understanding the concept of nurturing others or themselves. They think of nurturing as something women do for them or others. When they find themselves alone and divorced without a woman to care for them, they must learn the concept of self-nurturing for survival’s sake. Some don’t make it and turn to substances and addic

You might ask why someone would want to destroy their lover’s self-esteem. You would think that they would want to support and bolster their partner’s self-esteem because they say they love their partner. The question is, do they really love their partner or do they need them? The dependent’s basic fear of abandonment is at the root of the problem.

What I am suggesting is that once you believe that you possess specific positive traits in a particular part of your self-identity, then these traits are established for good. I call this process making your own self-esteem “cake,” and what happens externally is the frosting or the lack of frosting; but no matter what happens, you still have the ca

The idea of saying what they want can be overwhelming and threatening at the same time. Stating what they want makes them vulnerable, and they don’t want to be that exposed, especially in an intimate relationship.

Some people talk about the concept of positive affirmations, which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself. Where I have trouble with the concept is why someone has to keep doing it day after day. Somehow, what they are saying to themselves isn’t sticking or becoming a part of their internal belief system.

It’s time to communicate like an adult. They need to communicate from the standpoint of the psychological adult, not the critical parent or their child. The adult phrase I suggest they use is traditionally called an “I message.” More specifically, I suggest they use the verbal phrase I want or I don’t want. This is what an adult says when she is ex

Another example of where core self-esteem is critical is in my professional life, whether as a public speaker, a college professor, or a therapist. In all these positions, I expose myself to the criticism of others. If I didn’t have a well-established sense of self-esteem in those parts of my self-identity, I wouldn’t be able to succeed. Some peopl

Do you want intimacy or a false sense of security? The choice is yours. Taking the risk to be vulnerable and communicate the truth creates the potential for real emotional intimacy, which sets up the possibility of being in love with your partner, as opposed to just loving them. It allows for true passion to be present, which in turn spills over in

I have asked hundreds of men after their wives have left them, “How are you going to take care of yourself on an emotional level now that she is gone?” They look at me with an expression of disbelief, like “What are you talking about?” They don’t have a clue. The way they take care of themselves emotionally is to find a woman. It can be their mothe