Love Yourself: The First Step to a Successful Relationship

When their fear of abandonment emerges, this type of dependent reacts aggressively by trying to control their partner in some way. They attack their partner’s actions, assuming that their partner intends to hurt them. They become very jealous of the opposite sex and try to cut off their partner from having contact with whoever they perceive as a th

When an individual asserts some type of personal desire that is not met, they are not being rejected personally, but instead they are being disappointed. When I asked those women in the singles bars for their phone numbers, or if they wanted to dance with me, and they said no, they were not giving me what I wanted, but they weren’t rejecting me per

The fact that their lover is married and not available provides a certain boundary that keeps them apart, which in turn provides a certain protection against losing their true sense of self.

Men often have difficulty understanding the concept of nurturing others or themselves. They think of nurturing as something women do for them or others. When they find themselves alone and divorced without a woman to care for them, they must learn the concept of self-nurturing for survival’s sake. Some don’t make it and turn to substances and addic

You might ask why someone would want to destroy their lover’s self-esteem. You would think that they would want to support and bolster their partner’s self-esteem because they say they love their partner. The question is, do they really love their partner or do they need them? The dependent’s basic fear of abandonment is at the root of the problem.

What I am suggesting is that once you believe that you possess specific positive traits in a particular part of your self-identity, then these traits are established for good. I call this process making your own self-esteem “cake,” and what happens externally is the frosting or the lack of frosting; but no matter what happens, you still have the ca

The idea of saying what they want can be overwhelming and threatening at the same time. Stating what they want makes them vulnerable, and they don’t want to be that exposed, especially in an intimate relationship.

Some people talk about the concept of positive affirmations, which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself. Where I have trouble with the concept is why someone has to keep doing it day after day. Somehow, what they are saying to themselves isn’t sticking or becoming a part of their internal belief system.

It’s time to communicate like an adult. They need to communicate from the standpoint of the psychological adult, not the critical parent or their child. The adult phrase I suggest they use is traditionally called an “I message.” More specifically, I suggest they use the verbal phrase I want or I don’t want. This is what an adult says when she is ex

Another example of where core self-esteem is critical is in my professional life, whether as a public speaker, a college professor, or a therapist. In all these positions, I expose myself to the criticism of others. If I didn’t have a well-established sense of self-esteem in those parts of my self-identity, I wouldn’t be able to succeed. Some peopl