Jailbreak. If you’re chopping up coke with your Capital One VISA card, you’ll use the jewel case from Sabbath’s Vol. 4 or Neil Young’s Tonight’s the Night or Be Here Now by Oasis. But if you ever reach a point where you no longer care about the aesthetic of the album you select, and you don’t even consider what album you’re pulling off the rack,

Here’s how to tell if you (or someone you know) has a drug problem: Pay attention to what CD they use for drug maintenance. When separating the seeds out of marijuana or chopping up freshly purchased cocaine, you generally use the jewel case of a compact disc as the base of operations. Jewel cases were designed for this process. And when you’re

Maybe all music sucks until it sells 17 million copies.

Well, that settles it: Styx and Stones may break my bones, but “More Than Words” will never hurt me.

Every guy in that band should have hung himself, probably; nobody would have missed New Order, except for a bunch of idiots who think taking drugs and dancing is more fun than drinking and feeling melodramatic (which, I suppose, is everybody in the world except me). The lesson: Nobody can be the Beatles, so don’t even try.

I also have a hard time feeling sympathy for the victims, since I always assume anyone riding a motorcycle probably wants to die (and kind of deserves it if they do). I will pay anyone $1 if they can explain to me why absinthe is illegal in this country and motorcycles are not.

I honestly believe that people of my generation despise authenticity, mostly because they’re all so envious of it. It’s almost like they want to be burned alive, because that would prove they had grit.

society glamorizes dying in order to perpetuate the hope that death validates life?

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably.