I took a deep breath and said, “Jonas, I’m burning down my life. I want to stop but I don’t know how so I just keep burning it down and soon there will be nothing left and I just, I need help. Somebody needs to tell me how to be a better person.” Jonas didn’t say anything back. He just pulled me into a hug. I barely knew him, and I still wasn’t

imagine a lot of gay men have these types of interactions, little pockets of flirting with strangers and acquaintances. We just don’t talk about it. Even with societal acceptance, gay men still indulge in secret behavior.

“Ethan hates himself, but he doesn’t quite know it. He needs to go to therapy, do the work, realize his self-loathing, and then turn that hate inward like the rest of us. That’s what a real marginalized person does.”

but with Jonas our mishap felt ordinary, expected. Two spastic people trying to find out how to fit together. Being patient with each other, embracing the mess, creating the necessary space.

I think that just speaks to the failure of dating sites in general. They’re giving you the tiniest curated piece of someone’s personality. Flops can come off as charming or witty. Meanwhile, unicorns like Jonas fail to translate.

In the beginning of a relationship, it seems like all you do is look. You want to know this person, figure them out so you can carve out the perfect-sized space for them to fit into your life. This involves paying attention, making notes, asking questions. Then, after a certain point, when you’ve created the space and they fit, you get complacent.

“The only reason why it tastes good to you is because you’ve had practice. Your taste buds realized you weren’t going to stop drinking poison, so they had to adapt and learn how to like it.”

How strange that we can saw off certain parts of ourselves, so we remain confident in one area, an area that is challenging for others, only to feel completely hopeless in another.

It’s like, you’re with someone for so long, words become so dull that you decide to make them fun, but somehow you end up talking like you have brain damage, and any spark of desire you have for this person gets slowly snuffed out.