Just by Looking at Him: A Novel

The book was called This Naked Mind, by Annie Grace, and after finishing it, I realized my brain’s been wearing, like, seven layers of clothing. Here are my main takeaways. The past few years, I’ve tried to scale back my drinking, to no success, and each time I betray myself, I feel more powerless and alcohol’s grip tightens. But the reason why qui

I’d stopped reflexively texting him, and it had gotten more normal having him not know the ins and outs of my days. I had stopped feeling so vulnerable going through life without an emergency contact. Honestly, committing to being sober was a huge reason why the transition wasn’t so gut-wrenching. It made me feel like a superhero. What else was I c

Gus walked away. I continued to watch him, wondering what he was feeling, who he was going to call first to say that we had run into each other. Gus and I worked until we didn’t. When you get into a relationship, you both implicitly sign this contract that says “I’m going to be this person for you and you’re going to be this person for me and that’

still not drinking. Three whole weeks. Can you believe? Instead, I just looked at Boomerangs on Instagram of people clinking glasses and photos people posted of martinis with some “funny” caption justifying their drinking, and I thought about how our society worships at the altar of booze and how it’s more socially acceptable to drink than not to d

Your conscious mind makes a decision not to drink and then sends the memo to your subconscious, which is where years of messaging and brainwashing lives, and your subconscious is like, “Wait, what? But drinking is amazing.

I read the book and had my first drink in weeks—a farewell, if you will—but the alcohol hit different, felt joyless, almost like keeping a doctor’s appointment. I looked at my wine and said, “I don’t want to believe in you anymore. I want to believe in something else.” And even if I continued to drink, even if the books weren’t enough and I had to

All I’m saying is, sex is a great way to learn about yourself. Self-discovery doesn’t always have to be painful.” “Says the man who bottomed once.” “I’m saying, go fuck someone. It’ll be good for you.” “I’ve been fucking enough people. All I’ve discovered about myself is that I’m deeply messed up.” “You’re not deeply messed up,” Ethan said. “You ju

but with Jonas our mishap felt ordinary, expected. Two spastic people trying to find out how to fit together. Being patient with each other, embracing the mess, creating the necessary space.

The problem here is the inherent belief that alcohol is EVERYTHING and you’d be making a giant sacrifice in giving it up. You wouldn’t be. In fact, you’d be gaining so much and losing nothing. It was life-changing to fully know the insidious slippery-slope nature of addiction, that after doing something for so long, you’re more inclined to get addi