Came across this gem from the great Hanif Kureishi —
"One falls in love, and then learns, for the duration, that one is at the mercy of someone else's childhood."
And I thought: someone else’s childhood and also one’s own.
Junot Díazsubstack.comJunot Díaz on Substack
Trauma, whether it is the result of something done to you or something you yourself have done, almost always makes it difficult to engage in intimate relationships. After you have experienced something so unspeakable, how do you learn to trust yourself or anyone else again? Or, conversely, how can you surrender to an intimate relationship after you
... See moreBessel van der Kolk • The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
I think Love is an extension of the self. When we love people we invite them to connect to part of our identity. Likewise we allow ourselves into theirs. To a Mother, her children are in part, like an extension of herself. One of the difficulties of parenthood (that I have observed) is to what extent one self-identifies with one’s children and to
... See moreThose of us who do not learn how to love among family are expected to experience love in romantic relationships. However, this love often eludes us. And we spend a lifetime undoing the damage caused by cruelty, neglect, and all manner of lovelessness experienced in our families of origin and in relationships where we simply did not know what to do.
bell hooks • All About Love: New Visions (Love Song to the Nation Book 1)
Both of us grew up with one parent whose unconditional love wasn’t enough to shield us from the damage of their narcissistic partners. And as a result, we grew around the shadows they gave us, walking around like open wounds looking for any excuse to turn a spark into a flame.