Had I wanted so desperately to be special, to have a purpose, to recover from the shame of not being able to keep pace with the corporate world that I had somehow fabricated the entire thing? And how would I ever be able to tell for sure? If we are all just hallucinating this reality around us, how could we ever really know what is true and real

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You are the sum total of everything that has happened to you up until that last slurp of that cup of tea you just put down. How your parents hugged you, that thing your first boyfriend once said about your thighs – these are all bricks that have been laid from the soles of your feet up. Your eccentricities, foibles and fuck-ups are a butterfly

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I became the Nancy Drew of my own neuroses, desperately hunting for clues about what was "wrong" with me. Like a spiritual hypochondriac, I diagnosed myself with everything from "ancestral wounds" to "money blocks" to "inner child trauma" to “low self worth.” I grew convinced that if I excavated myself enough, I would find the missing link that was... See more