Introduction to Internal Family Systems

What about the part of you that gets extremely defensive when you argue with your intimate partner or close friend? In the middle of the fight, you suddenly become that part—seeing your partner or friend through its eyes; taking on its distorted, black/white, blame/guilt perspective; stubbornly refusing to give an inch; and saying nasty things. Lat

The famed champion of legal and social reform Clarence Darrow once said, “The most human thing we can do is comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” The Self has the courage to do both.

Seeing from the Self Think of a person in your life to whom you have closed your heart. Perhaps they are someone who has hurt you in the past and whom you have decided not to trust again. Maybe it’s a person who has qualities that get on your nerves. Once you have a person in mind, imagine that person is in a room and you are outside the room looki

Given how much parts can interfere in our lives and make us feel horrible, it makes sense that we wish we could get rid of them. It’s hard to see any value in an inner voice that constantly berates you or a fear in your gut that makes you withdraw. These parts have such devastating power over us that the natural impulse is to hate and fight them. A

The Path Exercise (You may want to have someone read this exercise to you.) Get in a relaxed position and take several deep breaths. Imagine you are at the base of a path. It can be any path—one you are familiar with or one you have never been on before. Before you go anywhere on the path, meet with your emotions and thoughts (your parts) at the ba

Thus it seems clear that this mindful state of Self is not just a peaceful place from which to witness the world, nor just a state to which one can go to transcend the world; the Self also has healing, creative, and performance-enhancing qualities. When my clients entered this Self state, they didn’t just passively witness their parts—they began to

In this chapter we will explore this idea of the Self because it is the centerpiece of the IFS Model and the hardest piece for most people to fully accept. The idea that at your essence you are pure joy and peace, and that from that place you are able to manifest clusters of wonderful leadership and healing qualities and sense a spiritual connected

Once I focused on that anger and asked questions of it, I learned that it was indeed an adolescent personality in me that not only was angry but also hurt and afraid. He believed he had to protect me from being hurt by people I got close to, so he led with his anger in times of danger. However, that anger is not his essence—it just comes with the t

Now I’ve learned a way of relating to my anxiety that makes such events interesting challenges rather than dreaded ordeals. Instead of attacking or ignoring my anxiety, I try to get into a curious state, focus inside on it, and ask it some questions. As I focus on the feeling, I notice that it seems to emanate from a knot in my gut, so I focus ther