Now I’ve learned a way of relating to my anxiety that makes such events interesting challenges rather than dreaded ordeals. Instead of attacking or ignoring my anxiety, I try to get into a curious state, focus inside on it, and ask it some questions. As I focus on the feeling, I notice that it seems to emanate from a knot in my gut, so I focus

In these pages, I hope to help you realize that your emotions and thoughts are much more than they seem—that those emotions and thoughts emanate from inner personalities I call parts of you. I’m suggesting that what seems like your explosive temper, for example, is more than a bundle of anger. If you were to focus on it and ask it questions, you

The famed champion of legal and social reform Clarence Darrow once said, “The most human thing we can do is comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” The Self has the courage to do both.

As I explored the writings of some of these esoteric schools, including the Mahayana school (Buddhism) and Sufism (Islam), it gradually dawned on me that through interacting with people’s parts in ways that allowed the individuals to separate from their emotions and beliefs, I had accidentally come upon a simple way to help people access the state

We are defensive not because someone is attacking us but rather because the attack is likely to provoke our inner critics, which in turn trigger the worthlessness and terror we accumulated as children. Whatever slight we receive in the present triggers an echo chamber inside us of all the similar hurts we’ve accumulated from the past. Contemporary

Thus it seems clear that this mindful state of Self is not just a peaceful place from which to witness the world, nor just a state to which one can go to transcend the world; the Self also has healing, creative, and performance-enhancing qualities. When my clients entered this Self state, they didn’t just passively witness their parts—they began to

Then there’s developmental psychology, which maintains that our basic nature is dependent on the kind of parenting we received. If you were fortunate to have “good enough” parenting during certain critical periods in your early development, you emerged from childhood with a certain amount of “ego strength.” If you didn’t, you were out of luck. You

The Path Exercise (You may want to have someone read this exercise to you.) Get in a relaxed position and take several deep breaths. Imagine you are at the base of a path. It can be any path—one you are familiar with or one you have never been on before. Before you go anywhere on the path, meet with your emotions and thoughts (your parts) at the

Seeing from the Self Think of a person in your life to whom you have closed your heart. Perhaps they are someone who has hurt you in the past and whom you have decided not to trust again. Maybe it’s a person who has qualities that get on your nerves. Once you have a person in mind, imagine that person is in a room and you are outside the room