Internal Family Systems Couple Therapy Skills Manual: Healing Relationships with Intimacy From the Inside Out

The term affect regulation describes an individual’s ability to modulate strong emotional states and stay present. This skill is critical for couples.

a protector in Person A criticizes Person B for displaying an attribute that is actually characteristic of another part of Person A—either an exile or another protector—who is being disowned.

Even as fighting couples accuse and injure each other, they are wondering, “Do you hear me? Am I safe with you? Will you meet my needs?” But they can’t hear this in themselves because their protectors are busy looking outward, chanting, “You can’t be trusted! You aren’t safe! You won’t meet my needs!” To get to those essential underlying questions,

We want couples to slow down and focus on their process rather than the content of their disagreements.

Helping partners stay present with themselves and each other as they learn to modulate the ANS and soothe distress in the body and mind.

find parts, we look first to the body, going inside to notice sensations, feelings, or thoughts. Attention is our calling card.

“What is your first impulse?” • Explanation: “I ask you to notice your first impulse because protective parts react to perceived threats by fleeing, fighting, or freezing. When you notice parts who react in one of these ways, they notice you. Noticing you is the first step a part can take to separate, or unblend, from you. As soon your parts unblen

And when the two of you try to talk about it, what happens?

What are your intentions in having this conversation?