Internal Family Systems Couple Therapy Skills Manual: Healing Relationships with Intimacy From the Inside Out

[to Mark] Scan inside again and notice any parts who have any concerns about listening.

How does not talking about your feelings impact your partner? How does it impact your relationship?

What are your intentions in having this conversation?

have a second question for you both. You have not listened or spoken about this with each other fully. What has that cost you? Again, take a moment to listen inside. When you’re ready, speak for the parts you notice.

Mateo, let’s slow down and notice the fear. Where is it in your body?

parts who have concerns about the conversation to come. Let’s start by having both of you listen inside before you speak. As you listen inside and think about starting to talk about your sexual relationship, what parts do you notice?

Help the listener prepare by noticing parts who might not want to listen. Encourage the listener to breathe and notice their heart. Help the listener unblend and be emotionally available.

ROADMAP FOR INTRODUCING COURAGEOUS COMMUNICATION

HELPING AN ANGRY PROTECTOR UNBLEND 1. Validate the anger. Make eye contact, be compassionate, and be present. Speak to the protector directly: “Given that this is your experience…” 2. Validate and empathize with the underlying need. See the exiles beneath the rage. “Your need to be heard makes complete sense…” 3. Challenge the behavior and name the