In Open Defense of Transactionality
Seldom does this search take the form of asking the really important question: What can I make of myself that would make me worthy to give and receive such love? We want to bask in the warmth of devotion that overlooks, even indulges, our failings. Apart from our mothers, this pleasure can be a little hard to find—or to maintain over time. What I a
... See moreGordon Livingston • And Never Stop Dancing: Thirty More True Things You Need to Know Now
This is the dominant motive of martyrs. They give to get love, and when they don’t get it, they feel abandoned.
John Townsend • Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life
The hyper-individualist finds himself enmeshed in a network of conditional love. I am worthy of being loved only when I have achieved the status or success the world expects of me. I am worthy of love only when I can offer the other person something in return. I am what the world says about me. In the end, hyper-individualism doesn’t make people se
... See moreDavid Brooks • The Second Mountain
Patients in therapy all begin by protesting, “I want to be good.” If they cannot accomplish this, it is only because they are “inadequate,” can’t control themselves, are too anxious, or suffer from unconscious impulses. Being neurotic is being able to act badly without feeling responsible for what you do. The therapist must try to help the patient
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