‘I Only Want to Date Men Who’ve Been Through Therapy!’

The type of person I’m assuming we’re looking for here is 1) someone that you will find fascinating to talk to after you’ve talked for 20,000 hours, 2) you feel comfortable with them talking through the hardest and most painful decisions you will face in your life, and 3) the conversation is wildly generative for both of you, in that it brings you ... See more

On anxiety or curiosity as responses to a partner's 'other'-ness

I mean, faced with the unknown of our partners, we can either be anxious — and this is true with the unknown of life. We can be anxious, we can want to close the gap, we can want to seek the familiar in that space, or we can leave that space open and respond

to it with curiosity. And

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Jacob Falkovich says that single people often seek out similarity when complementarity is what makes relationships cohere long-term. It’s a great observation. But how to operationalize it? Maybe: look for someone you can’t initially understand, but also don’t feel like walking away from.

A masculine partner who can truly respond to feminine emotionality with playful skill, clarity, feeling, and grounded presence is remarkably valuable. And it goes without saying that men wanting to cultivate this capacity must start with themselves. She’s right: if you can’t handle your own storms, moods, fears, and grief, how in the world can you

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