I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
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I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
More often than not, people who vent or complain already know how to handle their current situation—they’re just looking for someone to see and appreciate their struggle. While it seems almost counterintuitive, validation is often the quickest and easiest way to help people work through their concerns and get back on track.
Michael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
Giving unsolicited advice or assurance—especially before you validate the other person’s emotions—trivializes their experience.
Michael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
Claiming to know “exactly” how someone feels nearly always puts the other person on defense.
Michael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
Matching another person’s energy is a critical part of effective validation. If the person is excited, then smile, laugh, and share in the thrill. If the person is sad, then be respectful and speak in a softer, more compassionate manner.
Michael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
validation (in the context of interpersonal skills, anyway) is the act of recognizing and affirming the validity or worth of a person’s emotions. Essentially, validation means saying to someone, “I hear you. I get what you’re feeling, and it’s perfectly alright to feel that way.”
Michael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
“I don’t blame you for being worried, especially if she told you she’d call an hour ago…” Notice how that response 1) identifies a specific emotion (worry), and 2) offers justification for feeling that emotion (it’s been over an hour since she expected to hear from her daughter). This response shows your friend that you not only hear how she’s feel
... See moreMichael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
This may seem fine and dandy on the surface, but it starts to become a problem when we feel bad about ourselves for feeling a “bad” emotion. If I shouldn’t get angry—but I do—then maybe I’m a bad or angry person. If I’m worried about something that I shouldn’t be worried about, then maybe I’m irrational or overdramatic. If I’m afraid of something t
... See moreMichael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
How will you know if you’re avoiding it? Simply look for invalidating statements. Are you telling yourself to “suck it up” or “stop worrying”? Are you trying to convince yourself that “it’s fine”? These
Michael S. Sorensen • I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
“But what if there’s really nothing to worry about?” you ask. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that the other person is worrying and wants someone to see and appreciate that.