I Am Me Before I Am Anything Else

In his book Escape from Freedom, philosopher and psychoanalyst Erich Fromm argues that if man experiences freedom from authoritarian rule (e.g., government, religious institution) without exercising his freedom to express his individuality while integrating himself with the world, he will feel burdened with overwhelming feelings of loneliness, alie... See more

So, why are we so drawn to labels? When we label ourselves, we are in essence joining a community built around that label... The downside, if we ever realize it, is that we lose our genuine selves...

" Be kind to yourself, but at the same time skeptical and constructively critical, and you might just find the real you in there somewhere."

When you define yourself around an identity label you forfeit your ability to self-govern and to discern what you genuinely believe from what others tell you to believe. By defining your self around an identity label, you necessarily allow said label to supersede your self. Most importantly, this identity-first approach (i.e., viewing yourself and ... See more

The upside is so powerful that it often masks the downside, which is why so many people find themselves in a state of automaton conformity:

• we gain a community that (superficially) makes us feel secure; we do not feel isolated or out of place or weird;


• we are provided with (and rewarded for taking) shortcuts for what to believe in, what to do, and

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In one of my favorite podcast episodes, Tim Urban and Jim O’Shaughnessy talk about the benefits of viewing the world through models instead of beliefs —an idea that has stuck with me since I heard it and pretty much sealed the deal of an individual-first approach to my life.

This essay is a combination of personal reflection on the self and identity labels, the restrictions that label-based belonging imposes and the discomfort that freedom can bring. Included are good mental models, praise for values-based life navigation, and interpretations of popular culture.

The self as a concept is complex and widely debated. But regardless of what you believe, I think we can largely agree that our sense of self is precious and needs to be safeguarded from self-sabotage or violation from others.

After letting go of the guilt associated with “losing” core parts of myself, I quickly realized how nurturing it was to function as me first. My curiosity skyrocketed because I felt safe questioning; I became less dogmatic and even grew proud of the ability to change my mind when presented with new information; my sense of self was no longer fragil... See more

"I always insist on my agency as a thinker. I have the right to read what I like to read. I think that is actually more radical: to insist that because I have my own mind, I will be influenced by whom I choose, and I will write what I choose." — Ocean Vuong