Humble Inquiry

Effective groups review their decisions to see what can be learned. When the army does maneuvers, it does an after-action review in a deliberate attempt to get feedback from everyone regardless of rank. Hospitals hold special meetings to review cases, especially when things go wrong.

The learning stage where a relationship is being built requires slowing down and building trust, but once the relationship has been built, work actually gets done much faster.

“What did she (he/they) do then?” “How do you think she felt when you did that?” “What do you think he will do if you follow through on what you said?” “How would they have reacted if you had told them how you felt?

A stodgy Swiss-German company made the centerpiece of its annual meeting of the top three tiers of executives a competition in a sport that no one was any good at— crossbow shooting or some other arcane local sport. The activity brought everyone down to the same status level, which then made it easier to talk more openly and build cross-hierarchica

When the choice is between you or me, look for a way to explore us, the relationship itself.

ask what they do, what their world is like, what worries them.

Telling puts the other person down. It implies that the other person does not already know what I am telling and that the other person ought to know it.

“I want you to tell me exactly what you think of me … even if it costs you your job.

Humble Inquiry was conveyed by the whole attitude, not just the specific questions that the doctor asked. The questions that were most important in establishing the relationship were personal ones, not technical/medical ones.