How to Make Friends as an Adult

On Finding Your People: I’m told I have an unusual talent for finding wonderful people. Below is my strategy for having a rich social life in any large city Disclaimer: This will require you acting in a way that is not normal. You may need to decide whether you want to be normal yet lonely or unusual yet connected 0. Treat it as a second job. For... See more

why it's hard to make friends as an adult:

where there's shared context (seeing the same people over many months daily i.e. workplaces) there's a lack of shared interests

where there's shared interest (hobby groups, bookclubs, etc) there's a lack of shared context

For most people, loneliness doesn't stem from a lack of friends. It comes from not feeling connected to the friends you already have, while "peering in" on their lives via social media. (You can read more about this in the ancient text Big Friendship.) This problem is not fixable if you expect community to just happen naturally . It is fixable if y... See more

my new working theory on the loneliness crisis is to stop aiming to find friends. to make friends assumes an end goal. rather, aim to achieve the feeling of connectedness. a life filled with connectedness is someone who looks up when they walk around. they smile at the people