How to Fix a Broken Heart (TED Books)

Real heartbreak is unmistakable, from the intensity of the emotional pain it causes, to the totality with which it takes over our mind and even our body. We think of nothing else. We feel nothing else. We care about nothing else. And often, we feel as if we can do nothing else except sit with the immense pain, grief, and loss.

Creating mysteries and conspiracies where none exist is a common response to romantic breakups. Our mind unconsciously assumes that if the emotional pain we feel is so dramatic, it must have an equally dramatic cause, even when it does not.

They key to breaking free of rumination is to counteract its negative pull by fostering ways of thinking that are strictly nonjudgmental.

Rumination involves a repetitious focus on negative thoughts and memories of all kinds (not just related to heartbreak) that can easily become habitual and lead to elevated risk of clinical depression.

I had a thought about my ex) and bring our awareness back to our present experience.

Self-compassion involves developing a nonjudgmental inner voice that responds to our own suffering with kindness and caring rather than self-blame. Practicing it involves replacing self-critical thoughts with supportive and compassionate ones. It requires us to respond to our mistakes with patience and understanding, recognizing that erring is a pa

What makes letting go so challenging is that we need to let go of far more than mere emotional pain—we need to let go of hope, of the fantasy in which we undo what went wrong, of the psychological presence the person or pet has in our daily thoughts, and thus, in our lives. We need to truly say good-bye—to turn away from love, even when there is no