How to Do Hard Things

A simple exercise you can use to explore values in your life through this lens is called the Tombstone Exercise.

Willingness can be developed through formal mindfulness practice: sitting in silence while allowing difficult thoughts and feelings to be present. It can also be developed informally whenever we stop trying to get rid of painful thoughts and feelings and instead open up to them as part of the path toward what we care about.

To summarize: defusion is about seeing thoughts as real, but not necessarily true, and about choosing to give weight to the thoughts that help us move toward the lives we want to live.

Fusion → Defusion

Past/Future Preoccupation → Present Moment Contact Past/Future preoccupation is a type of fusion that describes what happens when we get lost in our thoughts about the past or future, and we lose contact with what is happening right now, in the present.

Inaction → Committed  Action Committed action is about finding places in our lives where we might shift our behavior to be more aligned with our values. It's about using the skills above to work with whatever thoughts and feelings are sustaining unhelpful behaviors, and then taking small steps in new directions.

Moving toward a flexible sense of self and others is about recognizing that any story we tell, good or bad, is not the whole truth about a person, and is only true within a given context.

If you find yourself getting stuck around values, you may need to do more work around the other core processes—defusion, willingness, present-moment awareness, and flexible-perspective taking—to be able to get back in touch with meaning.

Lack of Direction → Clear Values 

Rigid Stories → Flexible Perspective-Taking