Indeed, we first have to establish a self before we can let go of one. That self is a provisional and convenient designation but not ultimately real in any enduring, unchanging way. To say that there is no limited, fixed self is a way of referring to the boundless potential in each of us—our buddha mind or buddha nature. We…

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Intimacy is mutual mirroring.

Appreciation gives depth to acceptance: “I admire you;

The neurotic ego, on the other hand, is the part of us that is compulsively driven or stymied by fear or desire, feeding arrogance, entitlement, attachment, and the need to control other people. Sometimes it is self-negating and makes us feel we are victims of others. This neurotic ego is the one we are meant to dismantle as our…

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Journeying is built into us no matter how beautiful our home. The idea of change excites us no matter how pleasing our present circumstances.

The main psychological tools are working through personal and childhood conundrums with a commitment to identify, process, and resolve issues so that you may change and grow. The spiritual tools are letting go of ego, increasing mindfulness, and cultivating an ethic of compassion.

Acceptance engenders a sense of being inherently a good person. Appreciation generates a sense of self-worth. Affection makes us feel lovable. Allowing gives us the freedom to pursue our own deepest needs, values, and wishes.

If we found total satisfaction in childhood, we would have no motivation to reach out to the wider world. The journey of adulthood begins when we leave, as we must, the secure nest provided by father and mother and try to find a partner in the adult world. Without such a need we might be seduced by the comfort of home, isolate ourselves from the

In Buddhism there is a phrase, “the glance of mercy,” which refers to looking at other human beings with acceptance and understanding. Acceptance means we are received respectfully with all our feelings, choices, and personal traits and supported through them. This makes us feel safe about knowing and giving ourselves to others. Our ability to be