The healthy ego—what Freud called “a coherent organization of mental processes”—is the part of us that can observe self, situations, and persons; assess them; and…

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Every mammal feels instinctively that it needs and deserves full parental attentiveness. When a parent is only halfway attentive, the child notices and feels uneasy.

Together, the five A’s are the components of unconditional presence. But there are also five major mental habits that interrupt authentic, unconditional presence and may cause others to feel unloved. They are virtually involuntary mental reactions that are common to people the world over. These mindsets are like bullies who enter unbidden and

Western psychology places major importance on building a sense of self or ego. Buddhism, in contrast, places major importance on letting go of the illusion of a freestanding, fixed solid self. These views seem contradictory until we…

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mindful presence frees us from constricting identification with another’s actions.

You are loved the way you are. The need for affection is fulfilled when you are loved unconditionally all the time and genuinely liked most of the time.

If affection is only a strategy for sex, it is not intimate but manipulative. In adult relationships, there is intimacy without sex at times and sex with intimacy always. Affection looks different in the romantic phase of a relationship than it does in the conflict stage. In the former it may have more of a sexual dimension; in conflict it may mean

I see my partner in these same old ways: ——— . I believe s/he will never change these behaviors: ———

That is why mindfulness leads to intimacy, the mutual egoless gift of love. Couples with a spiritual practice have a greater serenity in their life together and increase their chances for happiness and longevity in their relationships.