Change the statement “This is how bad I am” to “This is how badly I need to know this, or to do this, or to include this.”

We give the gift of being right because being right just does not matter. The need to be right is a form of holding on which is based on fear. Giving the gift of letting someone else be right compassionately allows both of you to relax. The fear eases away and the humor is released. Then the mutual trust level increases.

You can be informed by others’ behavior rather than affected by it. You can observe the behavior of others without having to react to it or to be controlled by it. You operate from your own repertory of responses that uphold you no matter what others do, say, or mean to you.

You then hold yourself accountable but not to blame. Blame leads to an emotionally-charged self-repudiation. Accountability leads to matter-of-fact amendment and higher self-esteem.

When change and growth scare me, I still choose them. I may act with fear, but never because of it.

You know a relationship matters to you in a healthy way when you are willing to act over the awkwardness of the small but scary steps that lead to change: 1. Notice which behavior of yours leads to problems for you or your partner. See through such excuses as: “This is how I am!” or “But I’m right.” Acknowledge the fear or pain behind any behavior

Departure releases us from fear; struggle results in integration; return effects a transformation.

At one time, our main motive may be to seek out and respond to challenges, to take hold and become deeply involved in projects and relationships. This is functional ego work and takes rightful precedence over letting go. At another time, what will work best for us are choices that lead to fewer encumbrances, to lightening up, and letting go. This

Actually, an adult cannot be abandoned, only left, cannot be engulfed, only crowded! Once we live in the present, things become so much more matter-of-fact and we drop the blame-filled judgments.