That sharp turn away from blaming others happens once you finally address your shame. Shame is something everyone has, thanks to our shame-ruled, shame-dispensing culture, but some people obviously have it worse than others. I’ve always been massively ashamed and self-hating, and for a long time, even in Ask Polly, I described shame as a thing you... See more

Life without shame — mostly without shame! — doesn’t make you perfect. It definitely doesn’t make you more attractive. (I’ve been swimming this summer and my hair, Jesus. Yes I wear a cap. I don’t want to talk about it, man.) But life without shame makes you so much happier, so much less anxious no matter what’s happening around you, so much less... See more

But when you dismiss shame every day, every hour, you do end up feeling lighter and more carefree. You know you will expose who you are but you don’t care. You coax yourself out of tight spots now. You weather nerves with gentleness. You tell bright and loving stories about your foibles and mistakes.