The Intellectual Trap is the belief that your emotions should conform to a preconceived standard.

The Identity Traps are the belief that you should live in a way determined by others and the assumption that others will react to things as you would. These two traps are the most basic of all traps.

Don’t try to identify with an ideal person, a label, or a code that others think is best for you. They aren’t you; they can’t make your decisions for you.

And you’re in the Identity Trap when you allow others to convince you that you don’t even have a right to challenge these things.

You’re in the Identity Trap if you buy a Cadillac to prove you’re successful, or a small foreign car because your friends are anti-Detroit; or if you shave every day to prove you’re respectable, or let your hair grow long to prove you don’t conform.

You’re in the Identity Trap if you feign an interest in the environment to prove your civic interest, or give to the poor to prove you aren’t selfish, or study dull subjects to appear to be “intellectual.”

You’re in the Identity Trap if you allow others to define labels and impose them upon you — such as going to PTA meetings because that’s what a “good parent” is supposed to do, or going to visit your parents every Sunday because a “good child” would never do less, or giving up your career because a “good wife” puts her husband’s career first.

You’re in the Identity Trap when you try to be interested in something because it’s expected of you, or when you try to do the things that others have said you should do, or when you try to live up to an image that others say is the only legitimate, valid image you’re allowed to have.

You’re in the Identity Trap when you let others determine what’s right or wrong for you — when you live by unquestioned rules that define how you should act and think.