How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

My relationships with such people are mutually beneficial. I trade ideas for money — but I would never make my future dependent upon changing or controlling or persuading anyone.

freedom that’s greater than any you’ve known before — freedom from the urge to control others.

You have to earn anything you want in life — and emotional security is no exception. You earn it by living up to the standards that have meaning to you, finding other people who value those standards, and continuing to live up to those standards.

To acknowledge your discomfort doesn’t obligate you to act on the urge that accompanies it. What you do about the situation is a separate matter; there are usually several alternatives.

Don’t let uncertainty prevent you from enjoying what you have. But don’t let overconfidence lead you to act upon what you don’t have yet.

Popularity isn’t proof. What “everybody knows” has been so obviously wrong so many times that I don’t need to fill this book with evidence of it.

the first step in freeing yourself from social restrictions is the realization that there is no such thing as a “safe” code of conduct — one that would earn everyone’s approval. Your actions can always be condemned by someone — for being too bold or too apathetic, for being too conformist or too nonconformist, for being too liberal or too conservat

The answer is simple: You are you, the person who will live with the consequences of what you do. No one else can be responsible, because no one else will experience the consequences of your actions as you will.

To be honest with yourself means to acknowledge mistakes as they become known. If you can accept your mistakes, you can correct them, pay for them, learn from them, and see that they don’t interfere with your security. The individual who can’t acknowledge his mistakes will remain vulnerable and be doomed to repeat them.

A contract to love can make it more difficult to get out of the relationship — because of the recriminations, accusations, and guilt resulting from broken promises. But it won’t perpetuate the love that prompted the contract; so of what value is it?