Holding Space: On Loving, Dying, and Letting Go

this sense, there have always been “death doulas.” Consider also that supportive and loving women have held space for and companioned women through labor long before the modern use of the term “doula.”

On the one hand, the threshold point that constitutes our entrance into this world and the threshold point that constitutes our exit out of this world are axis mundis. They begin and end each heart’s journey through time. Sacred sites, both human-made and those found in nature, also can be regarded as axis mundis. However, mystics of all faiths aff

Tacit knowledge is book knowledge, information we can memorize. It consists of information we can pass along in a lecture. It’s the facts and figures that constitute the intellectual retention of data. Contrast this with implicit knowledge, with wisdom. Tacit knowledge can be taught, yet it’s not possible to teach someone to be wise. Insights dawn

While the growth of the home birth and home funeral movements are to be celebrated, we can draw upon the ancient wisdom of holding space for the birthing, dying, rejoicing, and bereaved, even if the modern hospital remains the location of the vast majority of births and deaths. Location is secondary; skilled and loving support matters most. Will th

We can hold space for one another and marvel at love’s transformative power, no matter what belief we may or may not adhere to regarding an afterlife. And we don’t have to hold space alone. Wise companions can stand with us. They stand with the intention of reducing our suffering and easing our passage. They stand with us in love. They are the doul

To enter the building, one must pass under her statue. This is to pass symbolically through the opening of her worn and wise body. There is much to learn from the archetype of the ancient crone, opening us to both joy and grief. For the doorway of birth is also the doorway of death. The mother is both.

the hyper-medicalization of birth and death pose great challenges to all of us. They pose challenges to doulas working to improve the quality of birthing and dying. While many of our ancestors experienced profound intersections of life’s bookends, today very few of us are born and die in a space that is personally meaningful, holding memories of ou

Whether we serve the dying or the birthing or both, the fire within us—the light of compassion and gentleness—is what matters. We may have all the information at our fingertips. We may intellectually understand the different stages of labor, grief, birth, and death, but unless we embody the fire of love, we have not been educated as doulas.

While most Americans do not want to die in a hospital, the reality is, most will. What can be done in a hospital to bring intentionality and compassion to that experience? What can be done to ensure that our medical system, full of life-saving machinery and drugs, does not eclipse the power of the heart, companioning models of working with grief, o