One of the unique opportunities of a parent is to use conversation to walk your child through their mess. But vulnerability is not a given, and usually a child is honest because a parent is honest first.

A vacation with young children is really just going somewhere scenic and working overtime shifts of parenting hours. Great memories for the kids, but hard work for you. This fit the description perfectly.

But it’s important to know that traumatic moments can also happen at much more ordinary moments of hurt, loneliness, fear, or anger. It’s important to remember that the most important role of a parent is not protecting them from these moments but identifying them and repairing them after they happen. This is where conversation comes in.

In any case, hospitality is different. Hospitality is simply opening the door. Hospitality is welcoming someone into the unvarnished mess. It is inviting someone into the chaos because that’s where real family happens.

These books are extremely useful but are best read through Curt Thompson’s Christian lens of the soul. See his books Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 2010) and The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about

Think of it like this: when it comes to spiritual formation, our households are not simply products of what we teach and say. They are much more products of what we practice and do. And usually there is a significant gap between the two.

When we talk about work and involve them in it as part of God’s good creation, and when we regularly lose it in the silliness and laughter of play, and when we regularly rest as a family endeavor, we weave them a fabric of memory that befits the kingdom God is bringing.

It is fascinating to note that popular writers on the psychology of habit note exactly the same thing that the tradition of Christian teaching on spiritual disciplines do: that our inner identity is deeply tied to our outer habits. James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits (New York: Avery, 2018), notes this aggregating power of small things and

We don’t often think about habits and the heart being so interconnected. But they are. To steward the habits of your family is to steward the hearts of your family.