Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children

Nobody can tell me what to do or tell me what not to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is normal. I don't know who I am. I don't trust anyone but myself to be in control.

New rule: I am responsible for my own needs. I accept help from others and appreciate it. The universe does not revolve around me; I am part of it. I am important and other people are important.

Look at me! At another point is recognition, the hunger to be acknowledged and considered valuable.

If we received uneven parenting, we decided on other rules that made sense at that time, but those rules may keep love away. They reflect our “giving up on love” or our “longing for love.”

Babies develop a working model for future relationships based on their infant perception of how trustworthy and reliable their earliest caregivers are. That working model becomes the glasses through which they see themselves and others and affects the way they engage in relationships as

Both assertive care and supportive care are provided willingly with no strings attached. However, they differ in subtle and important ways. Assertive care is a loving response or loving intrusion. Supportive care is an offering, lovingly given.

The center two, Negotiable Rules and Nonnegotiable Rules, offer the most healthy structure.

Henry: “My parents abandoned me so I decided that I don’t deserve love. If you love me, I am afraid you will leave me, so either I will force you to leave me, or I will

Great love can both take hold and let go. O. R. ORAGE

The growing relationship between parents and adult children becomes primarily one of support in both directions.