Getting married soon

The real thing people should be actively looking for is strong emotional connection, as in: to what degree can I share who I am with this person, do they get it , how interested are they in who I am, my feelings and thoughts, can we accommodate each other’s preferences, are we good at talking. Once I asked a very happy couple how they knew they wer... See more

To find a good relationship, you do not start by saying, “I want a relationship that looks like this”—that would be starting in the wrong end, by defining form. Instead you say, “I’m just going to pay attention to what happens when I hang out with various people and iterate toward something that feels alive”—you start from the context.

"We want something that’s very passionate, or boiling, from the get-go. In the past, people weren’t looking for something boiling; they just needed some water. Once they found it and committed to a life together, they did their best to heat things up. Now, if things aren’t boiling, committing to marriage seems premature. But searching for a soul ma... See more