Free to Attach

Author Susan Anderson says in The Journey from Abandonment to Healing that in a secure relationship, a romantic partner serves a similar function as a mother does for a securely attached child. In both cases, the relationship provides a primary sense of belonging, security, and connectedness. Speaking of adults, she writes, “Many people function as

Attachment, on the other hand, is based on fear and insecurity — and the need for security is based on not knowing the true Self.

On an unconscious level, accepting love from your partner feels too dangerous because it contradicts a parent’s view that you are

What is an attachment? An emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy. This emotional state of clinging is composed of two elements, one positive and the other negative. The positive element is the flash of pleasure and excitement, the thrill that you experience when you get

Once we understand that love is our true identity, we realize that the skill of learning to love is mostly an undoing of the ego obstructions that have gradually overlaid our natural tendency toward loving. This means letting go of our ego entitlements and inflations. We then look for all the practices that can help that happen, especially those th

You see yourself as dependent on others for love, approval, recognition, support, nourishment, contact, pleasure. Most people think that’s the way it is. They think, “How can you be a grown up person and have a career and a good life unless you have a mate or at least a lover?” That’s how most people think. They don’t question it. They think they n