If you want revenge because your feelings are hurt, all you can see is your own suffering. But if you calm yourself and look more deeply, you will see that the person who hurt you is suffering, too.

When we embrace our suffering and look deeply into it, we can learn a lot.

The point of reproach is to develop enough self-respect that when we catch ourselves getting hooked in familiar ways we can stop. We aren’t disciplining our badness; we’re simply getting smart about what brings suffering and what brings happiness. We’re finally giving ourselves a break.