I want to make sure you understand that past pain in your life is causing your brain to force a false narrative regarding your identity. The reason you believe a lie about who you are is because the pain you have experienced traumatized you to suffocate under the voice of shame. Shame blocks the voice of who you are.

You don’t have to constantly look backward. Look forward through the windshield. If the pain is obstructing a clear view then grieve it out. Express your sadness. Express your sadness as often as it pops up on your windshield. Learn to be a safe place for yourself.

You’re looking for places where the needs of your identity may have been actively violated or passively neglected.

Eventually you will gain deep clarity on what that one fear is for you and you will recognize proving and hiding in the small moments.

“I’m going to have to settle for being treated this way. I deserve it.”

“I don’t belong anywhere.” If this is your fear, you are constantly looking for a place to call home. You hope that finally, this will be the relationship where you can be fully known for who you are. Or finally, this job or role will be your tribe.

If you believe this fear about yourself, you will prove to people how they need you.

The more you know and pay attention to your emotional state, the more your work and leadership will flow from an authentic place, and the more you will be able to pay attention to others and lead in a healthy and empowered way. You have to tell yourself, “I’m not going to be dominated by my emotions, nor am I going to deny them. I’m going to be

If you feel everybody around you is selfish, it might be that you resent the fact they are taking care of themselves while you play the part of the martyr. You need a big permission slip that says, “Take care of yourself.”