
Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them

key insight of Bowen theory is that people cut off a relative not because they no longer care but because they may care too much. When the emotional intensity of a relationship becomes too
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
As they often put it, rather than remain frozen in the past, they decided it was “time to move on.”
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
“What part did I play in how we got to where we are? And what can I do about fixing my part?”
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
The two sisters began to distance themselves as they reached their late twenties.
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
few greater barriers to reconciliation exist than an absolute belief in that statement.
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
Many of the estranged parents I interviewed, however,
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
Stop wasting emotion on something that’s not going to be there.
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
Estrangement is a process that involves hundreds or thousands of small interactions over time, in which both relationship partners make choices that can distance them or provide opportunities to connect.
Karl A. Pillemer • Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
Bridging the rift requires abandoning the urge to align the past. Indeed, it was only when imposing their view of past events no longer mattered that they