Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple

Alan seems disarmed by his wife’s tears and answers her in a quiet voice, “I know I’ve hurt you in the past. I’m really going to change this time.” Sara twists her soggy tissue in her hands and laughs bitterly. “I’ve heard that so many times in our marriage. I don’t have anything more to give. Maybe someone else can meet your needs better than I ca

Two hours after asking about dinner plans, Erin is an emotional wreck and believes the marriage is over.

The detached partner’s view of the world and their place in it is skewed because they carry a fundamental misunderstanding about relationships and love. The old equations from childhood are still logged in the back of their head and intercepting all decisions before their rational adult mind can even process them.

“Look how happy I can make you!” the detached person coos as they over-indulge their partner with romance, sex, compliments, and service. “Look how happy you are!” the detached person begs as their partner starts to express dissatisfaction, confusion, and resentment. “Look how good I can be!” the detached person shrieks as the relationship collapse

Not only does the spouse have needs which must be met, the detached person also has secret needs they’ve never shared with anyone.

“Okay, what about this. I start taking the kids out once a week and spending one-on-one time with them at home. Even if it’s awkward, I’ll make it a priority. I’ll try to explain to them that I’m uncertain in relationships and that any distance they feel is not their fault. I promise to make this a priority. But in return, I need you to encourage m

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Now the enemy is making peace with the surrounding neighbors and calling loudly for you to put down your own weapons. Long experience tells you this must be a trick also. You’re down to your last scraps of strength and can’t afford a mistake.

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