Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple

Paired with this onslaught of passive-aggressive attacks is the more common doormat mentality. The detached person spends most of their time in this passive, reactive state. The detached person believes they have no innate self-worth in relationships, so they must create that worth through works. The detached person can never say no to a request fr

Then she’s gone, and “he can go find the person who’s going to make him happy, because that’s obviously not me.”

Don’t let these tests fool you. If she didn’t love you, if there was no hope of reaching her heart, she wouldn’t bother shooting at you. If she felt nothing for you at all, there would be no danger.

When the upset partner realizes they caused hurt they try to retract their rejection and accept, because accepting the sex in order to comfort their partner would not be creating a burden or earn resentment, but now it’s too late and the wounded partner lashes out with their own secondary rejection.

The exhausted wife has also spent years struggling against her husband’s lack of connection, his constant suspicion, failure to follow through, and heaps of broken promises. She has endured years or even decades of her husband promising to change. She trusts him every time, and he lets her down over and over. Broken and alone, she believes she has

Usually, the partner with healthy attachment (if there is one) is called on to be the continual voice of reason and on constant guard against passive-aggressive behavior, almost becoming an adopted parent to their detached partner.

“Last week was a nightmare,” Sara tells me. She’s refusing to even look at her husband, Alan, and her eyes are locked on mine as she wills me to understand her pain. Alan shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I thought we had a pretty good week, we just had one small disagreement—” “You went through my purse and accused me of having an affair!” Sara e

A damaged man is incapable of love because he does not believe love will be freely given, only earned through works. He seeks false intimacy in lust and mistakes sex for acceptance.

reveals that they have tried to initiate sex over the last six months, though they haven’t been obvious about their need.

When I think of having a perfect day, what activities do I see myself doing? How much quality time in a week do I require with my partner to feel close and connected? How much alone time in a week do I require by myself to feel calm and centered?