Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple

When you do something they like, they don’t really tell you. They may say thank you but mostly they act embarrassed or dismissive. You never really know what makes them happy because sometimes the same gift will elicit opposite reactions, upsetting them and kicking off another shouting match.

How can I get my needs met without telling you what they are? The detached person faces the following paradox: “I have needs, but revealing them will cause me to be abandoned. Either my partner will outright reject me and say, ‘You’re not worth this price, I’m out of here!’ or else they will fulfill my need with begrudging resentment and stew on th

A damaged man is incapable of love because he does not believe love will be freely given, only earned through works. He seeks false intimacy in lust and mistakes sex for acceptance.

Obsessive-compulsions may take root as the detached person seeks comfort in superstition in order to gain a feeling of control over their environment. “If I click my teeth together in the correct spot exactly four times when I put on my pants, nothing bad will happen to me.”

am truly changed. This is who I am now. I will show you in time that this is true, and you will see it.” Then he ends the conversation and walks away without requiring a response, because there is no response which will help. Only time and effort will show her the truth, and she has only skepticism to show you at the start.

the time limit should be never! He should never stop with the new behaviors, and he should never expect her to blindly forgive the pain he’s inflicted. “And how dare you make demands after what you’ve put me through?”

She usually cannot even imagine a scenario where she would trust her husband again, or where he would truly behave differently without constant supervision and policing.

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When I think of having a perfect day, what activities do I see myself doing? How much quality time in a week do I require with my partner to feel close and connected? How much alone time in a week do I require by myself to feel calm and centered?

Their partner is now a liability and every discussion is a tactical maneuver to trick the opposing party into stumbling toward the secret goal.