Erotic Orientation: Helping Couples and Individuals Understand Their Sexual Lives

Affairs don’t necessarily indicate a bad marriage. People cheat for myriad reasons. Some of my clients have told me they cheated because they were too afraid or ashamed to talk to their partner about their sexual preferences or fantasies.

Essentially, you aren’t what you orgasm

“The dilemmas of love and desire are way too complex to yield simple answers of good and bad, victim and perpetrator, right and wrong.”

I help couples by decoding the nonsexual narrative of the porn that they discover.

Asking for an appointment with a partner to talk about the topic and putting time limits on the conversation are helpful to keeping things contained and effective in communication.

fact, the porn is often not the problem, but rather each partner’s relationship to the porn.

Porn can certainly be used “instead of” a partner though. But then it is a relationship or attachment problem, not a porn problem.

The first advice I offer is, "Let’s slow things down.” It is critical that partners lower reactivity when learning about the other’s sexual interest. Discoveries like this raise hackles that couples didn’t even know they had.

They describe six principles to recognize if your sexual behaviors are healthy or not: 1. Consent 2. Non-exploitive 3. Safer Sex 4. Honesty 5. Shared Values 6. Mutually Pleasurable