But if Bill owns his own shit, he will take responsibility for his negative emotion and disclose it to his partner immediately. He might say, "Look, I'll admit I'm feeling grumpy right now because I didn't sleep well last night, so I’m overreacting to your putting off doing the dishes again. It does bother me when you say you'll do the dishes and

Emotions come from within each of us and are usually the result of a combination of programming, past life experiences and our own natural inclinations. Barring cases of abuse or violence, it's important to understand that your emotions are yours and yours alone. Therefore, we should avoid disempowering ourselves by blaming others for making us

A more effective approach is to be brave and voice your fears. Admit your insecurities. Look your partner in the eye and say you have doubts. Acknowledge that you value what you have, and you trust each other enough to talk through it when things change. Empower yourself by acknowledging your emotional baggage, and strengthen your relationship by

Sometimes, these restrictions are applied in an attempt to assure that the original partners will feel special after new partners have been brought in. And this is a real and valid concern; if you love and value your relationship as it is now and are bracing for change, it's natural to be afraid that your uniqueness might be lost in the fray of New

I'm afraid if she has a girlfriend and I don't, it means _______________. And that means that she will _____________, and then I will be ________________. Remember, your fear is there for a reason. You won't have much success at polyamory until you nail it down and bring it out into the daylight where you have the power to address it. Whatever the

Embrace "yes, and" rather than "no, but" This is a classic communication technique that generally makes conversations flow much more easily. Rather than using "no, but… ," which can make a simple conversation feel combative, try using "yes, and…" For example, replace, "No, but you aren't passive-aggressive at all" with "Yes, and I haven't

Most of these restrictive rules are made with good intentions and with the goal of preserving the security and primacy of the original couple. However, they usually fail to do just that and in fact often serve as the impetus for the couple's demise. And the reason for that it quite simple: rules made out of fear are usually ineffective. Rules don't

Let’s begin with a definition. For our purposes, "owning one's own shit" refers to the ability to take personal responsibility to understanding, diagnosing, analyzing and stating your emotions.

When discussing guidelines, make sure that you are in a neutral space where everyone feels comfortable. Choose a time when everyone is well rested and healthy. The goal is to have a space where everyone feels safe to disclose needs, wants and fears in a conversational manner. And keep the conversation broad with open-ended questions. For example: