When discussing guidelines, make sure that you are in a neutral space where everyone feels comfortable. Choose a time when everyone is well rested and healthy. The goal is to have a space where everyone feels safe to disclose needs, wants and fears in a conversational manner. And keep the conversation broad with open-ended questions. For example:

To address a specific behavior and how it's affecting you without making assumptions, try following these three steps: Isolate the behavior Define the emotions that the behavior elicited Construct a "when _____ happened, I felt _____" statement So for example, let's say that you've noticed on your last few dates that your partner will answer calls

Additionally, avoid telling yourself you should feel something different from your current state. We torture ourselves all the time with an interior monologue of "I should be happy now" or "I shouldn't feel jealous because I know she loves me."

What does a check-in look like? At the beginning of a new relationship, it might be an hour-long discussion. Weekly check-ins over time, however, can be as short as 5-10 minutes. A sample check-in: How are you feeling about us right now? Are you worried about anything? We've been talking about ______ issue over the last few weeks. How are you

Embrace "yes, and" rather than "no, but" This is a classic communication technique that generally makes conversations flow much more easily. Rather than using "no, but… ," which can make a simple conversation feel combative, try using "yes, and…" For example, replace, "No, but you aren't passive-aggressive at all" with "Yes, and I haven't

The issue with restrictive rules made out of fear is that the fear isn't actually addressed, so it never goes away.

This one guideline has held me in good stead over many relationships: if you are afraid to say something, it means you absolutely MUST say that thing. Chances are that your partner already senses there is something wrong. So when you feel the first tinge of a negative emotion, be brave and bring it up.

I'm afraid if she has a girlfriend and I don't, it means _______________. And that means that she will _____________, and then I will be ________________. Remember, your fear is there for a reason. You won't have much success at polyamory until you nail it down and bring it out into the daylight where you have the power to address it. Whatever the

Let’s begin with a definition. For our purposes, "owning one's own shit" refers to the ability to take personal responsibility to understanding, diagnosing, analyzing and stating your emotions.