Dr. Laura Markham: Peaceful Parenting [The Knowledge Project Ep. #52]

When your child has an outburst:

• Take a deep breath and acknowledge your own feelings


• Remind yourself there’s no urgency


• Remind yourself that the child is just experiencing a feeling and it’s not permanent


• Remind yourself that the child is actually allowed to have feelings


• Just be curious – you don’t have to jump in with a solution

All kids need the same things from their parents:

• To know they’re acceptable exactly as they are


• To know that no matter what, their parents will be there to help them, take care of them, protect them, give them food and shelter, and emotional/physical love


• To be delighted in

“A recipe for happiness is to help our child over and over again choose to give up what they want, at that moment, for something they actually want more.” An example – Perhaps they don’t want to help clean up the dishes, but still desire a way to feel like a person who contributes to the family. Help them realize the trade-off – “Doing so, helps th... See more

Consider that the next time your partner comes to you with a problem, maybe they don’t want a solution – perhaps they just want someone to listen to them and someone to vent to

Your thoughts create your feelings. If you believe that children shouldn’t raise their voices to the parent, every time this happens, you’ll feel like danger signs are flashing – and thus react/fight back. So instead, think: “My child is getting defiant. I notice I’m angry. Let me take a deep breath. I can choose what to do. There’s no emergency. M... See more

The three keys to peaceful parenting:

• Regulate your own emotions:“Our ability to self-regulate might have the biggest impact on who our child turns out to be compared to anything else we do”


• Connect with your kids


• Coach instead of punishing

If possible, try to work out your conflicts with your spouse/partner in front of the child…peacefully of course

“What matters most in how kids turn out is who we are as parents”

“Parenting is a relationship. It’s not a set of strategies.”

Kids should be waking up on their own, without an alarm clock, and without you waking them up. If they aren’t, they’re not getting enough sleep