Do Hard Things

Instead, real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s maintaining a clear head to be able to make the appropriate decision. Toughness is navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can. And research shows that this model of toughness is more effective

For too long, our definition of toughness revolved around a belief that the toughest individuals are ones who have thick skin, fear nothing, constrain any emotional reaction, and hide all signs of vulnerability. In other words, they are callous.

That’s how we traditionally view toughness: overcoming obstacles with a combination of perseverance, discipline, and stoicism. And if we’re honest, when the word toughness is mentioned, many of us picture a strong brute of a man.

“The results of this study seem to suggest that the ‘keys’ to promoting mental toughness do not lie in this autocratic, authoritarian, or oppressive style. It appears to lie, paradoxically, with the coach’s ability to produce an environment, which emphasizes trust and inclusion, humility, and service.”

The “just right” Goldilocks fit occurs when expectations are high, but so is support. High demand accompanied by warmth and understanding.

Authoritarian parenting leads to lower independence, more aggressive behavior, and a higher likelihood for substance abuse and risky behaviors.

He did not pretend to be anything other than he was.” Be who you are. That’s real toughness.

embracing our feelings and emotions as information,

to venture away from and come back to. We can handle fear and pressure because we know that if we do fail, we will still be loved and valued.