• Regulate your own emotions:“Our ability to self-regulate might have the biggest impact on who our child turns out to be compared to anything else we do”


• Connect with your kids


• Coach instead of punishing

Essentially, we want caregivers to begin to think of discipline as one of the most loving and nurturing things we can do for kids. Our children need to learn skills like inhibiting impulses, managing big angry feelings, and considering the impact of their behavior on others. Learning these essentials of life and relationships is what they need, and

many parents see behavior as the measure of who our kids are, rather than using behavior as a clue to what our kids might need. What if we saw behavior as an expression of needs, not identity? Then, rather than shaming our kids for their shortcomings, making them feel unseen and alone, we could help them access their internal goodness, improving

Curiosity is the cornerstone of effective discipline. Before you ever respond to your child’s behavior—especially when you don’t like it—ask yourself a question: “I wonder why my child did that.” Let this lead you to other questions: “What is she wanting here? Is she asking for something? Trying to discover something? What is she communicating?”