Usually, when you first come here, you are interested in getting something or in getting rid of something. That’s fine. In time, by using the understanding of the Work, you will see that most of your suffering comes exactly from that attitude and it is what has to change.

“If you love me, then I’ll be happy. If you don’t love me, then I’ll be miserable.”

It’s not a matter of trying to decide which is better right now: to do the Work or to do something else. The situation is never like that. When you truly understand what the Work is all about, you will see that the situation is always that the Work is the basis of real life.

You will see that all the time you’re either filling a hole, tolerating a hole, or experiencing the real thing that was lost.

Some of you may use what I’m saying now as ammunition for the superego to bombard you more. “Hah, indulgence! Bad, bad, bad!” You keep indulging in attacking yourself. I’m not telling you this so you can use it to beat yourself up.

Suffering always arises when you are out of contact with Essence or seeking something other than Essence.

Soon you might find yourself with an attitude that says, “I want to feel like this all the time. I don’t want to lose this. Now that I have my essence, I have to keep it. I’ll fight against my personality.” Or you might rationalize your wish to hold on to the state of truth by saying, “I have to keep this because I’m usually deceived by lies, and

Essence should be the primary concern in our lives. Everything else should come second and should function in the service of Essence. You need to do whatever in your life will enhance and support your essence.

The holes then become full with the memory of the loss and the issues around the loss.