Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

So decide for yourself the things you will not say to your child. Because what you say to your child matters. It teaches her what she should value.

I have kept my name because it is my name. I have kept my name because I like my name.

But here is a sad truth: Our world is full of men and women who do not like powerful women. We have been so conditioned to think of power as male that a powerful woman is an aberration. And so she is policed. We ask of powerful women: Is she humble? Does she smile? Is she grateful enough? Does she have a domestic side? Questions we do not ask of po

Be deliberate about how you engage with her and her appearance.

Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl.

A husband is not a headmaster. A wife is not a schoolgirl. Permission and being allowed, when used one-sidedly—and it is nearly only used that way—should never be the language of an equal marriage.

It is a hollow, appeasing, and bankrupt idea.

Be deliberate also about showing her the enduring beauty and resilience of Africans and of black people. Why? Because of the power dynamics in the world, she will grow up seeing images of white beauty, white ability, and white achievement, no matter where she is in the world. It will be in the TV shows she watches, in the popular culture she consum

So instead of teaching Chizalum to be likeable, teach her to be honest. And kind.