Dear Girls

Being in a relationship will inevitably offer up uncertainty, risk, and challenges. Find someone who is willing and able to come up with creative solutions as issues arise and take leaps for you when called for.

go of seeing yourself as nothing more than an Asian American woman. Ask yourself who you are outside of that. Challenge yourself to get out of the community. Don’t just drink boba, do your laundry at home, take pictures of food, go outlet shopping, and talk exclusively to other Asian Americans. Even if you end up doing something totally unrelated t

My brother was kind of like a middle school boy and also like a freshman at UC Berkeley in the 1970s.

When my brother, as a teenager, confessed, “I’m depressed,” my mom clapped her hands in front of his face and screamed, “SNAP OUT OF IT!”—which, it turns out, doesn’t do shit for depression. Otherwise we’d all be clapping our hands in front of our faces all day.

It made me realize that the most important part of parenting, relationships, pretty much anything—is just actually being there.

Culturally, I was yearning for someone who matched both my love for authentic Asian cuisine and also grew up going to bar mitzvahs and Passover dinners. It was always a struggle to find a partner who matched my passion for saving money, taking risks, and being engaged in anything that was challenging but ultimately worthwhile. Someone who had a hig

People like to praise Asian Americans as the model minority for their strong work ethic and good behavior. My Vietnamese mother did not give me either. But she made me cheap, tough, and salty, like a steak from Sizzler.

My last piece of advice would be to focus not on the result, but instead, the process and the journey. Again, Asian people love predictable outcomes. But to succeed in a creative profession, you really need to love it. And if you love it and are great at it, and passionate about constantly becoming better at it, you will find success no matter what

It was really moving to experience being a foreigner in the country that your mother grew up in. And it’s empowering to be in a place where everyone looks like you. But I realized I kind of had that already at UCLA and in San Francisco. In San Francisco everyone looked even more like me and, ultimately, I missed my tribe.