Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

deformed area that apparently is too poor to afford vowels. All the

To get it into the house, my wife and I used the standard husband-and-wife team lifting system whereby the wife hovers and frets and asks “Can I help?” and the husband, sensing from deep within his manhood that if he lets a woman help him, all the males he feared in tenth grade gym class, the ones who shaved because they actually had to, will sudde

who all know how to speak French because there’s nothing else to do in Canada after 4 P.M.,

Our flight is also always very crowded. This is because air fares are now assigned by a machine called the Random Air Fare Generator, which is programmed to ensure that on any given flight (1) no two people will pay the same fare, and (2) everybody else will pay less than you. People are flying across the country for less than you paid for your six

Yeast is a wonderful little plant or animal that, despite the fact that it has only one cell, has figured out how to convert sugar to alcohol. This was a far greater accomplishment than anything we can attribute to giant complex multicelled organisms such as, for example, the Secretary of Transportation.