barrier to daring leadership is our armor—the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that we use to protect ourselves when we aren’t willing and able to rumble with vulnerability.

Daring leaders must care for and be connected to the people they lead. The data made clear that care and connection are irreducible requirements for wholehearted, productive relationships between leaders and team members.

Vulnerability without boundaries is not vulnerability. It might be fear or anxiety. We have to think about why we’re sharing and, equally important, with whom. What are their roles? What is our role? Is this sharing productive and appropriate?”

What I’ve found through research is that trust is built in very small moments, which I call “sliding door” moments, after the movie Sliding Doors.4 In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner.

But vulnerability isn’t just the center of hard emotions, it’s the core of all emotions. To feel is to be vulnerable. Believing that vulnerability is weakness is believing that feeling is weakness. And,

Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.

THE MOMENT THE universe put the Roosevelt quote in front of me, three lessons came into sharp focus. The first one is what I call “the physics of vulnerability.” It’s pretty simple: If we are brave enough often enough, we will fall. Daring is not saying “I’m willing to risk failure.” Daring is saying “I know I will eventually fail, and I’m still

Stephen Covey’s sage advice still stands: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.