Today I accidentally Googled myself. I was about to close the window when I noticed that I was not the first result for my own name. Above me was Daniel Piper Motor Services, a vehicle repair shop in Suffolk. I immediately telephoned the garage and asked to speak to Mr. Piper, who I then politely but firmly encouraged to consider changing his name. The vast majority of people Googling our name, I explained, would be looking for one thing: Serious Literary Writing. Indeed, literature is simply more useful and important to the general public than vehicle repairs. He said that if I was so concerned, I should change my name. I couldn’t believe it. I told him that as a Serious Literary Author, my name is sacrosanct. He then said, ‘Hello, Sacrosanct’. I smiled, realising I was not talking to a writer, then helpfully explained that the word sacrosanct is in fact an adjective, which means I was using it to describe my name; to denote that my name is precious. He then said, ‘Hello, Precious’. It was at this point that I realised he was lampooning me. Furious, I immediately set off to make my demands in person. Unfortunately, just before I arrived, my car broke down.