crushes are often just misplaced ambition

Mimetic desire is the unwritten, unacknowledged system behind visible goals.6 The more we bring that system to light, the less likely it is that we’ll pick and pursue the wrong goals.

Comparison can teach you what you value: you’re more likely to feel intense admiration when you see someone doing something that you want for yourself—even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.