Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition

When faced with pressure and strong opinions, we often stop worrying about the goal of adding to the pool of meaning and start looking for ways to win, save face, keep the peace, or punish others.

Learn the three signs you’re having the wrong conversation: 1. Your emotions escalate. 2. You walk away skeptical. 3. You’re in a déjà vu dialogue. • Use three skills to identify your topic, and prepare to keep focused on it: 1. Unbundle. Unpack the various issues at play using CPR. Are they content, pattern, or relationship concerns or perhaps pro

most of us unconsciously make a “Fool’s Choice”—we think we have to choose between “telling the truth” and “keeping a friend.” Skilled communicators resist this false tradeoff and look for ways to do both.

Content. The first time a problem comes up, talk about the content—the immediate pain. If either the action itself or its immediate consequences are the issue, you’ve got a content problem.

use Contrasting. Start with what you don’t intend or mean. Then explain what you do intend or mean.

When it comes to Crucial Conversations, you have only two choices: 1. Talk it out. 2. Act it out.

Second, stakes are high.

You can measure the health of relationships, teams, and organizations by measuring the lag time between when problems are identified and when they are resolved.

Agree. Agree when you share views. • Build. If others leave something out, agree where you share views; then build. • Compare. When you do differ significantly, don’t suggest others are wrong. Compare your two views.

“Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?”