Creating the Intimate Connection: The Basics to Emotional Intimacy
As Herb Goldberg points out in The New Male: “In the end, the rewards of his success are revealed as masturbatory. There is really no one to share them with when he gets ’there,’ no one close enough who really cares or knows him and whom he genuinely trusts and feels close to.” One man once said to me, “Well, I have everything I worked hard for all
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*** Herb Goldberg book rec. Read this to better understand common insecurities.
recognition, or an acknowledgment, of her feelings.
Daniel Beaver • Creating the Intimate Connection: The Basics to Emotional Intimacy
Most men in our culture think they must be in control of themselves at all times. But the primary problem with this attitude is that it goes against human nature. Since it is impossible to be in control emotionally all the time, the good husband is almost guaranteed to fail, at least in his own eyes. Anyone who attempts to maintain control at all t
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Maintain spontaneity and childlike wonder. Don’t just depend on cannabis and alcohol for this practice.
But all too often the dream turns sour. Though the husband earns more money and purchases the things that he and his wife always dreamed of enjoying, they now have become strangers to each other, and no matter how wonderful the things they own, their wealth cannot compensate them for the loneliness they feel.
Daniel Beaver • Creating the Intimate Connection: The Basics to Emotional Intimacy
Striving for material wealth is an important part of the good-husband fantasy. The man’s self-esteem—if he is being guided by the marriage fantasy—is built on his ability to earn a decent salary and “provide for his family.” There is nothing wrong with being a good provider, but when that priority is put above all others, problems definitely do ari
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Centrality of striving for financial wealth in good husband role.
Alcohol does take the edge off the day’s tensions and anxieties, but at the same time, it numbs his feelings for his wife and family.
Daniel Beaver • Creating the Intimate Connection: The Basics to Emotional Intimacy
It’s like telling someone that he or she has the wrong color of eyes or shouldn’t be as tall or as short as they are.
Daniel Beaver • Creating the Intimate Connection: The Basics to Emotional Intimacy
When the American Dream is taken to its outer limits, there is often a kind of existential breakdown among men who have followed the good-husband fantasy to the letter and have gotten to the top of
Daniel Beaver • Creating the Intimate Connection: The Basics to Emotional Intimacy
Book rec. common story if male collapse after getting to top of ladder of American dream.
A basic problem with the good husband’s need to win and be right is that he becomes a terrible listener, unable to really understand his wife’s position and emotions. He cuts her off or puts her down, often not even aware of his effect on her. As a result, she may stop coming to him for any meaningful conversation. She feels alienated from him. His
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*** it’s the perfection. Thinking I always. Need to know the ugly answer. Let this go.