Conversation Tactics: Strategies to Command Social Situations (Book 3): Wittiness, Banter, Likability

Second, practice ending your statements with a declarative tone. A declarative tone decreases at the end of a statement, and slightly emphasizes the last word to make it clear that you are asserting something.

So now that you’re aware of what upspeak is and how it might be subtly sabotaging your attempts at connecting with others, how can you address it? First, be clear and conscious as to whether you actually mean to ask a question, or you want to make a statement.

when your vocal intonation rises at the end of a sentence – that rising intonation is what normally indicates a question.

History is your personal experience and memories about the topic at hand. Imagine the key phrase as I remember when I…

Philosophy is your personal feelings, stance, or opinion on the topic at hand. Imagine the key phrase as I really love/hate that because… Finally, Metaphor is an external topic, related or not, that the topic at hand reminds you of. Imagine the key phrase as That totally makes me think of…

Upspeak, occasionally known as uptalk, is when you phrase your declarative sentences as questions. Doing this doesn’t follow expected speech patterns to others, so it typically causes confusion and misinterpretation all around.

HPM is one of my favorite conversation tactics because I believe it is widely applicable. It stands for History, Philosophy, and Metaphor.

More often than not, using upspeak will not make you sound accommodating; it will just make you sound unsure, passive, and as if you don’t know what you’re talking.

in most cultures women have been socialized to accommodate and be relatively passive and less aggressive. So they use upspeak to show they are accommodating and willing to change their declared intent, even if that’s not really what they want.